Hope for Answers

And another reason to try and avoid having the surgery 🥲

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/cdc-fungal-infection-candida-auris-alarming-spread-rcna75477

I’m thinking we’ll do that after we go to Canada to get the medicine early April…which reminds me I need to talk to Mark about the tickets…

I’ve been hoping my stomach pains would go away completely, but I think I’m gonna have to get the medicine then come back, make it a short trip ❤️

Cancer vaccines — it’s the wave of the future, the acceleration of cancer vaccines might be one of the silver linings that came out of covid—

https://www.yahoo.com/news/experimental-breast-cancer-vaccine-might-140000789.html

Omg wow I can’t believe people two blocks away still don’t have power — what a sad state of our electrical grids, it’s very scary to think about it 😦

I got very weepy today when my nurse came over,

my diverticulitis pain has been pretty bad the last couple of days…my nurse is very religious and starting talking about god…his strength, how he’s looking out for me…normally these things don’t effect me too much,

but for some reason today her words hit me hard…in spite of my pain and nausea and fear that its looking very likely im gonna need another surgery in my near future,

I’m very humbled and grateful to be alive…how much my team…you, dr Sherman, my nurse, and even Noah,

how much you all do — how much you sacrifice — to help keep me alive…

I like to act all tough and independent and hold my head high,

but if it wasn’t for you and the sacrifices you’ve made for me I literally wouldn’t be alive —

I love you very much, I wish there was something I could do in this lifetime…probably going to have to make it up to you in the next lifetime, there’s too much I need to do.. ❤️

On Feb 27, 2023, at 3:28 PM, DrSavaard wrote:

 It was great to finally take a shower and stop shivering!

Two blocks away they still don’t have power. 😞

In a message dated 2/27/2023 2:54:01 PM Pacific Standard Time, teddy writes:

Omg that’s awful!! I knew I was worried for a reason, it was something stressful!!

Is everything better now? 🤞

On Feb 27, 2023, at 7:55 AM, DrSavaard wrote:

Didn’t get it because:

Power out since Friday
Phone died
No heat
No hot water
Still freezing in Friday’s clothes and using flashlights and candles

UNTIL-
late last nite it came back on and ABOUT TIME! 😡

In a message dated 2/26/2023 8:13:12 PM Pacific Standard Time, teddy writes:

I literally just called to say I love you and I hope your weekend is going well 🥰

Noah and I were walking home from Nate and Al’s,

And as we walked past 9401 Wilshire Blvd,

I turned to Noah,

“Do you ever think Dr. Schroeder thinks about me? Ever?”

Without missing a beat,

Noah firmly shot down my hope,

“Mom He has work to do.”

Noticing the flash of pain across my face,

“Mom, He can’t think about you and get his work done…and He needs to get his work done.”

I’m not sure what I was expecting Noah to say,

stung by a mixture of the perhaps the truth and wonderment over Noah’s insight into someone he has never met,

we went back to walking in silence…then I started half humming/half singing ‘Perfect’,

“Noah, I hope one say you meet someone with a love that pure, someone you can spend the rest of your life with, that isn’t tangled up, wait for this person. One day when you meet them, you’ll think back on this conversion…”

You’ll just know.

I’m preparing for a CT of my abdomen/pelvis, and this is the best contrast I’ve had — still tastes crappy but it’s a doable crappy —

I’m kind of surprised 🤔

Ugh…’needs to speak with you’ is never a good sign 🙄

I canceled my appointment for tomorrow because I didn’t feel like getting more biopsy’s this week since the one I had done on my leg last time still hasn’t healed all the way,

so I was gonna come in next week instead…

Geezus this is getting insane how many bad biopsies I keep having…it’s like a fireworks show totally getting out of control —

Begin forwarded message:

From: Tara Leigh
Date: January 31, 2023 at 2:08:23 PM PST
To: Dr. Anne
Subject: Re: Biopsy results Anne Lee


I can come in tomorrow if that’s easier for Dr. Ann 🙂

On Jan 31, 2023, at 1:10 PM, Office of Dr. Anne wrote:



Hi Tara,

We got your request to cancel your tomorrow appointment. However Anne Lee needs to speak with you regarding your results. Your mailbox is full… Please call the office (310)659-xxxx

Thank you,

Rita

I’ve started playing Cancer Wack-a-Mole, had two biopsies last week…one near my right knee and the other on my lower lip (again).

I actually have a few places that need biopsies, but she said she would only do 2 at a time, probably has something to do with insurance reimbursement, which I understand…

So I’m going back again next week for two more biopsies, I probably need about 6 more so I’ll go back a few times over the next couple of weeks —

Since I’ve already had cancer 3 times, I can’t put these biopsies off anymore…it’s becoming like a fireworks show that just doesn’t want to end (minus all the beauty and magic of course).

The one in my knee still hurts a lot (I had the biopsy last Wednesday), so I’m going to ask my home health nurse to look at it when she comes today to put on my needle —

And I have I mentioned I have Diverticulitis? Mostly because I haven’t been doing my Ig properly since I’m running low on it 🤪

Dancing when the music keeps changing 🥰

I had a crazy vivid dream when I was sleeping today…been sleeping a lot during the day lately…

I dreamed the earth suddenly got knocked off its axis,

And the day/night schedule got changed–

Instead of 12 hours/12 hours, it became 8 hours/hours (or around that, I wasn’t entirely sure in the dream), but the earth was spinning faster than normal–

Then even crazier, at night temperatures dropped crazy low,

during the day they were crazy high —

I was staying in a house — it was a beautiful mansion, might nicer than the apartment I live in now —

and we were worried about the quality of the air…something about the atmosphere was changing —

So we were trying to ‘seal up’ the entire house, as best we could,

And I remember thinking in the dream “oh no, this isn’t good…how long can we survive like this?”

It just felt like no matter what we tried to do inside the house to preserve ourselves, we were totally delaying the inevitable,

which was total oblivion of life on earth —

And I remember thinking, where are we heading to? Where is the earth spinning towards? Are we going closer to the sun or further away? (And did it even matter?)

Cell phones didn’t work, the TV didn’t work, we didn’t have electricity — ‘we should have gotten more solar powered generators’ —

A comet…must have been a comet that hit the side of the earth, and knocked us out of orbit…

Then the mobs came;

Mobs of people banging on the doors and windows, desperate to get inside the house because we had resources inside the house they didn’t have; they were panicking, trying to break the glass, and for the first time in my life I wished I’d had a gun;

I felt for those people banging on the house but I also knew we were all heading in the same direction–there was **no** way life was going to be able to be sustained on earth…maybe we had days, maybe weeks, probably hours…

And this was it, it was over, and I was very grateful Noah was in the house with me,

And all I kept thinking about was how much time I’d wasted carrying about ‘the little things’,

and here we were, trapped in a house on a planet that was rapidly becoming totally inhospitable to life…

And there was nothing we could do about it…

Noah and I went to Nate and Al’s tonight,

and while we were sitting there, out of no where Noah looks at me very thoughtfully,

“Is Dr. Sherman a creative?”

Um…I don’t know…

I hadn’t really thought about it before 🤔

“We, if you’d asked me about Dr. Schroeder I would have said *instantly* that I thought he was a creative, I didn’t see him long enough to figure out what kind of creative, if he was a painter or a writer or a musician or what, but I’m sure Schroeder is fundamentally a creative…Dr Sherman? Hmmm…maybe…”

Ignoring my reference to Schroeder, Noah continues, carefully and thoughtfully,

“Dr. Sherman must be fundamentally creative, because he’s able to think outside of the box on our medical case.”

Noah slurps a little more Matza Ball soup,

“And it’s the only way Dr. Sherman could be our doctor — it’s the foundation to be a good doctor on our case — that he’s also creative.”

After thinking about it for a second, I nodded my head in agreement,

“I agree Noah, Dr. Sherman’s creative.” ❤️

(I have no idea what triggered this comment…Noah went to a friends house down the street, so it’ll have to ask him tomorrow…it must have been something you said to him 🥰)