Weird bruising on my lower legs…

I have some weird bruising on my lower legs–I wore my long boots for the first time in awhile and I was sitting up at a friend’s house (first time I’ve seen a friend like that in over a year!) Do you think it could be related to the second vaccine I got on the 1st?

The bruises don’t hurt…I’ll see what they’re like tomorrow. I’ll go to Cedars on Monday and check my blood work to make sure everything is okay 🙂

I’m so relieved to have gotten both my shots…super super super relieved ❤️

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Omg this man needs to see a doctor **STAT**

Noah and I were coming home from golf today,

and I was telling Noah about this Aloe Vera/DMSO cream that I’ve been using on my lips.

[Back story my lips: Squamous Cell 2-3 years ago, last summer they started thickening weird, literally chunks of dead lip tissue will crack off. Biopsy came back for a bunch of different inflammatory conditions, technically one of them that can happen from an underlying squamous cell cancer, but technically the biopsy itself didn’t show cancer.]

Anyhow, so my lips have been getting worse and worse since last summer (ultrasound scheduled in a few days),

so I started this DMSO cream about two weeks ago based on the recommendation of a nurse I’ve had for years, in a kind of last chance desperate effort to turn my lips around —

[Multiple chapsticks, coconut oil, cod liver oil, even antibacterial ointment (thinking maybe an infection from mask wearing), nothing helped and my lips were continuing to get worse.]

We’re driving home, I was chatting with Noah about my lip improvement, how DMSO has been determined to be safe for human internal use based on the FDA’s approval for a bladder condition, that DMSO is a byproduct of the paper making process (so it comes from trees), and there has even been some scientific studies done about DMSO’s possible use for cancer treatment (nothing has been really confirmed yet but DMSO’s ability to penetrate through tissues make it an interesting vehicle to get drugs into tissues deeper),

And as I talked, I noticed the driver starting to perk up.

Noticing this, at first I started to talk louder and louder, to test if the driver was really interested in the conversation or not, and once I realized he was interested, I directly invited him into it,

“If you know anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer, you might want to tell them to explore DMSO and it’s possible use in the fight against cancer.”

Relieved I brought him in (some Uber drivers are traditional, and they don’t speak much unless you talk with them directly),

Happy to be included, he *instantly* points to his neck,

“Do you think the DMSO cream could help me with this?”

While still keeping his eyes on the road, he leans a little dramatically to the left, so I can get a better look under his right ear–

Since I’m blind as a bat, I half get out of my seat to lean in,


Reader, you know I’m not a doctor, and you know at best I have random bits of medical knowledge half hazardedly strung through years of my own pain and suffering,


Thankfully, he can’t look directly at my face because his eyes are on the road,

so I take a second to compose myself,

and I delicately squeak out,

“ummm…have you…maybe you might want to…to get a…biopsy of that?’

“BIOPSY?? Umph. Umph.”

Lightning bolt — his Billy MacKay like huffs and puffs catapulted me back six years ago,

“BIOPSY? Eeeeeeveryone is telling me to get a biopsy and eeeeeevery doctor is telling me to get a biopsy done too. I don’t want anyone cutting around on me.”

Breathe Tara…think Tara…you know this script. How can I find a way to help this man?

“Um, well, ya, the cream might help…sure, you should try it–”

He breathes a sign of relief. ‘She’s not going to be one of those that’s going to keep pushing me to get a biopsy I don’t want.’

“Um, ya…why don’t you give me your number, and I’ll text you the link to where I got the cream on Amazon.”

Getting personal phone number –> step one in getting into contact with him later.

Phone number?

He paused for a second, looking me up and down. I smiled my prettiest hidden under my mask innocent and bunny like smile I could muster.

“Uh, okay. It’s 818-xxx-xxxx”

Scrambling to enter into my phone as fast as possible,

Quick text “DMSO cream.”


“Okay I got it.”

Okay great…it’s his real number.

Some ramblings about the cream, ‘I keep my lips soaked in it all day long’,

Why my brain is ravaging itself –> how do I get this man into a doctor’s office??

We pull up in front of my apartment,

“Can I take a photo of your neck…to show my doctor?”

A little heavy there with the mention of the word doctor, but by now I’ve relaxed him by dropping the biopsy talk for the remainder of the ride, chatting about the cream,

he paused again,


And he patiently lets me take a few photos (and even a 5 second video).

“I’m going to send this to my doctor.”

I could tell he was little unnerved by that, but again, trying to plant a seed.

Back to chatting about the cream again,

My mouth: “Keep the cream in your car, use it all day long”

My brain: “PLEASE SEE A DOCTOR NOW. You must have a wife or children or friends or siblings who love you and would like to see your life extended by a few more months than it would be without medical treatment.

Noah and I exit the vehicle, the driver hands Noah his golf clubs, and we part ways.

As Noah and I walked up the stairs,

I told the little budding doctor,

“There are probably only going to be a few moments in your career as a doctor, when you look at something, and just by looking at it you know with 100% certainty what it is, even before any bloodwork or biopsies come back with results.”

We take a few steps up the stairs, and I turn (sadly) to watch the car disappear down the street,

and I’m 100% sure that is malignant melanoma Noah. That man needs medical care immediately to help extend his life. Most likely it’s already metasized, but with medical care doctors can maybe extend his life a few months longer than without medical care.

Noah asked why I was so sure it was malignant, and I gave him the laundry list of obvious melanoma symptoms,

Then a few hours later, I plotted with my doctor the different ways we can possibly help this man get the help he needs…tread carefully, speak softly, always receptive to criticism and concern,

this man needs a doctor, and I’m going to do everything I can to help him get in to see one.

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Elon Musk has cast doubt on the safety of the sec…

I can’t forgive Elon Musk for ignorant comments like this, questioning the safety of the second Covid shot.

He’s sociopathically ignoring the damage these kind of comments possibly have on people. Not everyone has billions of dollars to spend on state of the art medical care and medications like he can.

I hope his followers have more sense about their bodies and their health then he does.


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Near-death experiences! Nuff said!

I got chills reading this…

Closest thing that ever happened to me, was when I let go of the ropes too late when I was waterskiing when I was 16 years old, and I realized I was about to hit the dock…

What was amazing, was everything slowed down, like every moment was an eternity…I can still remember it like a slow motion scene in a movie,

letting go of the ropes,

realizing I was about to hit the dock 40+ miles an hour, then as I skated across the water at full speed, turning and seeing my mother standing up in horror, with her hands coming up to her face (all in slow motion), then turning back to face the dock and realizing, slowly and distinctly,

“I’m going to hit the dock and I’m going to die”,

then suddenly it was like a force from the heavens threw me aside,

and inside of hitting the dock head on,

I crashed to the left of it,

and as I feel into the water a long rusty metal pipe ripped the entire side of my chest, tearing through my life jacket and bathsuit, leaving me bleeding and swollen for a few weeks,

but I was okay…I couldn’t take a deep breath for a few days afterwards it hurt so bad, but I made it…

That entire experience was like every moment suddenly slowed down…it’s hard to explain, there was so much clarity in every moment even though in ‘real time’ it was probably all a fraction of a second—

Once I hit the water, time crashed back to normal and i could hear my mother screaming and yelling at me, and the boat spinning around to see if I was okay, everyone freaking out expecting me to have to rushed to the nearest hospital…

I’ve never had an experience like that since, that kind of slow motion clarity,

it definitely further demonstrates the brain does work in mysterious ways…

and there’s definitely a lot more to living and ‘being alive’ then we understand ❤️

On Mar 7, 2021, at 1:15 PM, wrote:

What do near-death experiences mean, and why do they fascinate us? | Society | The Guardian



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Breast MRI report: Feb 2021

Well…the good news is that it looks like my mass hasn’t gotten any bigger since August…

The bad news, is that they’re still using ‘breast’ and ‘mass’ in the same sentence 🤪.

Once I get my vaccine, and I qualify in the next group, I think I should move ahead with the surgery to be on the safe side, since I have such an extensive family history of breast cancer…

It’s going to be brutal and take a few weeks (months?) to recover, but I’m not doing much right now anyway because of Covid, and Noah will be with me still before he goes office for college…I’m not sure I can have a surgery like that and live alone (?)

Thanks again for everything 🙂 I’m hoping my brain MRI is stable, even though I’m still having these strange headaches…maybe the headaches are just stress (?)


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I just spoke with Dr. Pitchon — 400 out of 930 beds at Cedars are Covid patients

I just spoke with Dr. Pitchon, he said everyone must stay away from everyone else right now. With almost half of Cedars filled with Covid patients, the situation in Los Angeles is absolutely critical, and they’re expecting things to get even worse…

Dr. P said we have to think of Covid as being everywhere, behind every door, at every gas station, on everyone’s clothing,

the situation is absolutely dire 😢.

He also said Cedars still hasn’t announced publicly a plan on how they’re going to vaccinate regular people yet, they’re still trying to get through all the medical people…

It’s really nerve wracking because I have a few medical problems brewing (like the mass in my breast), and I’ve got to hope everything is going to be okay to wait a few months…I really don’t have a choice right now. I’ll repeat my breast imaging students in a couple of weeks and then reevaluate, but I’ll not sure anyone can do anything with the hospitals full.

The good news about the clots in my arm is that they’re chronic, so they’ve been there for awhile and he doesn’t expect them to break off or bother me in any way. He’s going to change my antibiotics to see if that will help reduce the burning, and I should repeat an ultrasound on my arm in a few weeks to make sure they’re not getting bigger or whatever, but he doesn’t expect them to become life threatening or anything like that.

(But I cant help but worry about them a little bit though…another thing to think about 😦

How are you doing? I hope you’re doing okay…I miss you tremendously, I hope life will be more stabilized by summer…


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In turns out I do have blood clots in my arm — what should I do now?

I hope you’re having a good holiday weekend 🙂

Your instincts were totally right, the reason I’m feeling so crappy over the last couple of weeks is because I do have some clots in my arm — I remember you said if I had clots I needed to get them removed, how should I do that?

(Can we send the clots to be cultured as well? I have a feeling it’s probably going to grow the same bacteria that infected the port that used to be there, but I’m sure if there’s something else going on —)

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been getting dosed up on my Ig, so I’ve been feeling better the last week…I’m hoping getting dosed up on the Ig along with the oral antibiotics will be enough to finally get over this hump ❤️🤞👍.

Thanks again for everything,

Tara 🙂

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On my way to Cedars for the ultrasound on my arm….


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What it means to be a bad stick 😢

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Available until Jan 12, 2021

I’ve been stuck over 15 times by 4 different nurses (in two different countries!)

and still no one can get my IV started 😢.

The nurse whose known me for 15 years is going to come back again tonight and try again,

this time I’m going to sit in a hot bath and we’re going to try putting the line in the bathroom…

Thankfully tomorrow I should be able to contact the Procedure Center at Cedars and get an appointment for a new port…

I’m not sure if Joseph is going to be able to get me tonight, because I’ve run out of so many potential places to try…this might be a failed mission before we even get started because so many of my veins can’t even be touched right now…

I hope you’re doing well and staying away from everyone!!! I’ve bought disposal rain ponchos, in addition to all of my normal gear (googles, face shield, gloves, masks, etc), to wear when I go to Cedars,

but this virus is so tricky it’s hard to say if that’s going to be enough. Noah and I have heavy duty carbon air filters set up all over the apartment, and I’ve instructed him to stay away from me and hide in his room, and when I’m in the common area of the apartment inside I’m in a mask all of the time…

It’s a brutal time to have a serious health problem, so please stay inside and don’t go anywhere. I feel bad for people who are in accidents or heart attacks, in a week or two they’re not going to have enough ICU beds for anyone…

You can not be strick enough right now…I think people are in denial what it means for a city to run out of ICU beds…no one should be going anywhere because unplanned events and accidents happen all the time…


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