Waking Up

I sleep on the couch in the tiny place where I’m staying in Ottawa, and I looked up to see the sun hitting through the window at such an angle it was striking the Believe sign on the windowsill.

I think we all need something to Believe in, otherwise there is no hope. I was reading this very sad article about a woman who died in her early 30s from Melanoma, leaving 5 children behind, and it reminded me of the time I met a woman my age at Cedars who was dying of Melanoma. We were put next to each other on gurneys waiting for a CT scan as in patients in the hospital…as I often try to do while in the hospital, I started chatting with her…we exchanged pleasantries, but she was clearly in and out of delirium, telling me she had stage 4 melanoma, but “I’m going to beat this–I know it–I’m going to beat this–”

I’m not a doctor, but it was pretty evident she wasn’t going to beat it, but I smiled, reassuring her, “of course you’re going to be beat this Catherine…of course…”

There is no way to judge or measure human suffering, but I am grateful to have solvable problems, I’m that I’m always going to have problems, but if we are diligent and jump on them early, we can solve them..or at least keep them at bay (like my infection problems from the cat bite a long time ago, that I wonder now if I’m just never going to get over it).

I wanted to reach over and hug Catherine, and I hope she did indeed beat it, coming back from the edge.


About hopeforanswers

Some kind of rare immune deficiency, yet to be determined. A lifetime of infections without an elevated white cell blood or fever. Very grateful to be alive, very thankful for the friends who’ve supported me and for access to literally millions of dollars worth of medical care. I’m not the bubble child, I’m somewhere in between.
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