I am feeling so hopeless and depressed today.

I don’t know what’s bothering me more–that I have a stupid disease that I can’t kick because my immune system doesn’t work properly (Lyme and Bartonella infection),

or that I just can’t get my life organized and under control, because I never know how I’m going to be feeling or what’s going to happen next.

The good side, is that the Ig helps tremendously..

In my mad rush to see doctors when I was in Los Angeles, they all made some comment regarding how I had been less sick and I had had less medical emergencies over the last year and a half than in the previous ten years.

That’s good…no emergency room screaming visits…no freaking out phone calls (or at least, fewer freaking out phone calls).

But less sick is still not as good as no sick.

I think I’m just scared. Ottawa is lonely and scary. I know things can turn in a flash, I could end up in the ER, and then what?

I just wish I was well enough to work a job…any job.

I’m going to have to keep writing, as fast and as quickly as possible…it’s the only thing I really can do…unless anyone has any suggestions for me.