My mouth is swollen around the hard bump, where the incision was made to cut out the inflamed salivary gland.

I’m so weak and tired I can’t get out of bed. When I mean I can’t get out of bed, I mean I was supposed to go to the bank today to convert my rent check into a cashier’s check and couldn’t do it.

With the swelling in my mouth, and the weakness, I know what’s happening…I have an infection in my mouth I just can’t fight off.

These are my options. Since I’m not going to have an elevated wcb or a fever (the classic markers a doctor who doesn’t know me looks for to confirm an infection), I can either,

A) wait until I’m septic, and get a positive blood culture. (5-7 more days?) and of course, becoming septic has its own host of problems…not an easy route.

or

B) jump on IV Vanco now, and evert a crisis before it gets even worse.

The only way option B is even an option, is if a doctor knows me *extremely* well…

I’m very lucky to both Dr. Sherman and Grampa Joe, the man who is making all of this possible by making sure I have insurance…

I actually considered today, for a moment, just allowing this one to take me over, and slipping away…I’m getting tired of this…I’m getting tired of fighting to save my life…it’s scary, it’s humiliating, it’s expensive…

And then I looked at David, and I thought it’s not fair to him for me to give up..yes, it’s hard, yes it’s absolutely miserable,

but I have to keep fighting…