This is the worst my health has been since 2011, when I was hospitalized many times.

I can barely get out of bed. The Flagyl is definitely helping, but barely, and not enough.

The swelling under my tongue keeps getting worse. Not to mention pain in the bump in my mouth. And the taste. And the pain to my ear.

But it’s the fatigue that is most crippling…like my body is coated in lead paint. I envy the normal people of the world, the people who can function. The people who can care about other things in life, the people who have the energy to invest in thoughts and feelings beyond what they need to do in order to live another day.

I want this feeling to go away. Even if I were to die a slow painful death, I hope it’s one that has energy, energy to exist in the world.

I can’t even help my son with his homework. And he’s totally taking advantage of that, playing video games since I can’t sit behind his shoulder and watch him…the little bugger.

I don’t know what I’m the most scared of..I wish I could function a little bit. I have to get out of bed and go to the office this week. The person nearest and dearest to me is leaving town again for a month, I want to go in and see him. To say thank you. I couldn’t even have a chance to fight this without him…

I feel so isolated.

It’s kind of a rare moment in my life, I don’t know what the doctors need to do. I’m not sure what the solution is. I feel like I need the bottom of my mouth scraped out completely and disinfected. I feel like I need it gutted. Can they even do that?