I had a dream Schroeder went to India to a mediation yoga retreat to ‘find himself’ for a year, and somehow I was there, sitting near him— I was in the row in front of him, to his left, so basically he could see me but I couldn’t see him—then at the Break, this woman, who had been sitting behind me, which was next to him on his left, got up and dramatically moved seats. When I broke my mediation pose at the break, and turned and look back at him, he was glaring at me, intensely, like pure hatred.

So I got up, and moved a seat further away too…then the other woman who had moved seats and I were then talking in the bathroom, and she said she moved seats because the energy between the two of us was so intense, it distracted her. Then I just commented how angry he was at me…like he hated me…it was pure hate…

She said “Hate? I’m not so sure about that. He seemed like one of the kindest people I’d ever met”.

Then the next thing I knew, I was a spirit, I had died, and earth was a faint line of light in the distance—and I overheard him telling someone, about ‘this woman I knew once, who was septic, who cultured positive for entercococus and corney bacterium, and she didn’t look sick—she didn’t look like a anything was wrong—“

And the person who he was telling to said, “really? Is that true? Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure—“

And then me—as a spirit millions of miles away—I thought to myself, “I wish he could have asked people about it while I was still alive—“

Then he said “and thing is, her son—“

The reason he was telling the other person about it, was for Noah—

and that bolted me awake—like in a shock—

***

What a weird fucking dream—

I really do feel like I’m dying, I don’t know what or where, but I’ve probably just abused myself one too many times and now something inside my body is in serious haywire.

What a dream…Might be one of the most extended vivid dreams I’ve had in years. I could draw you a picture of the yoga mediation place, I could draw you a photo of the bathroom the woman I were having our conversation in, and I could draw you a picture of my view of earth in the distance as I existed as a spirit in space —

It’s the first time it’s made me think maybe there is something else after we’re all gone…the dream was so vivid…not in the movie like cloudy light heaven way, but a presence in the universe kind of way…

Well, I’m off back to sleep…the shock that woke me from the dream was ‘a dream shock’ I get sometimes when something in a dream shocks me awake, but god knows I’m still exhausted…

Thanks again for everything. I dripped the LR all day (it’s almost done now), I haven’t vomited again since the anatesia. Thanks for the scope, I hope the biopsy just comes back irritated tissue…the Prilosec is finally starting to help a little, I should have been on it for years, lol…I guess it’s never too late to start I suppose 🙂

I feel so weird because being dead in the dream felt so real — I’ve never experience being dead from my point of view like that — and now that I’m alive, I feel like I have a little extra time…probably not too much, but I feel grateful—

In the year he went to India I died — maybe it means I have less than a year left?