Omg—I was in soooo much pain today I could barely move. Every joint hurt, and I had joint and muscle pain where I didn’t even know I had a joint and muscles in my body 🤢.
When Shannon got home, she was ripping me for being so stupid last night, I gave her that ‘not today look’, and told her whatever she thought, I’ve paid hard for it all day today…
(And I snapped bad at the pharmacist at IV League today — pharmicist picked the *wrong* day to bitch at me about doing labs every week, I swear to god some people just can’t take a hint this isn’t the day to bug me about anything 🤪. Seriously, why won’t they get it? Then she tried to throw ‘standard of care’ in my face, as if any of my medical care follows standard of care (standard of care wasn’t written for patients like me), and I just lost it on her. “Look—this is what’s going on—you’re nervous and uncomfortable because you don’t entirely understand my medical case, so you’re picking on me about the Vanco draw. I KNOW it can destroy my kidneys, but clearly the pros outweighs the minuses right now, and I accept FULL RESPONSIBILITY if I destroy my kidneys or liver. I’m more worried about the very possibility of showing up in the ER with a life threatening emergency and no veins because I destroyed all the veins I had left, so I have to carefully WEIGH the risks of kidney problems with a drug if don’t hundreds of times over the years with no problems against the risk of no veins during a medical emergency—until my blood work shows signs of a problem, it’s once a month. I’ll sign whatever waivers you want, whatever.”
Then she muttered something obnoxious, like she hadn’t heard a word I said, so I snapped, I’ll talk about it with Dr. sherman next week”. CLICK.
Wrong day 😜.
(I almost broke my no pain killer rule, but then I decided it was good punishment anyway, lol…I deserved a little kick in the bum 🙂 Shannon tried to yell at me, telling me if there was any hope of Schroeder ever helping me again, that I blew it, and I just looked at her and said “Shannon, there was never any hope in the first place.”
She—of all people—should know not believe my bullshit 😍👍. Reality speaks, people…there’s dreaming, then there’s cold hard reality 😢.
Then I corrected her — what I shouldn’t have done last night was text you so much. You actually help me a lot, you don’t need me bothering you unnecessarily—that’s worth feeling bad about. My email to Schroeder? The delete button. It took him less than a split second to delete it. If he read it, that’s on him…😘