Instructions for when I’m dead

Shannon,

As difficult as this may be, this is how I want you to handle my death.

**Don’t** call the paramedics right away. I’m already dead. There isn’t anything they can do.

If you find me when Noah is in school, go and pick him up — tell the Attendance office it’s a family emergency. You can’t call Noah, he will know something is up. Just quietly pick him up.

Pick Noah up, bring him home. When you get out of the Uber, outside, tell him that I passed. Then, give Noah the option of saying goodbye to me **before** the paramedics arrive. Noah should feel like he can talk aloud or say whatever he wants to say. He should say it. If he wants to be angry, be angry. Say it.

If Noah says no, it’s too creepy (or whatever) get Cookie and bring Cookie to Noah. Text Sherry (Emily’s mom) from my phone and ask her if Noah can come over for an hour or two. If sherry is busy, text Michele (Sienna’s mom) or Tina (Daniel’s mom). Get Noah in the company of someone else while you take care of the rest.

Then call Dr. Rita Kachru, and if you can’t get in touch with her, call Dr. Sherman. My body needs to go some place for a full medical autopsy. They need to document and sample *everything* they find, for my final records. They’re going to be “shocked” by the number of diseases tissues they’re going to find (well, probably not them). Just everyone else around them. Document it as the last evidence of how sick I was on the inside when I looked so healthy on the inside.

After that’s all done, send my body to Hollywood Forever Ceremony. Noah and I found the cheapest cremation wall near the back of the cemetery, it’s on the road. Noah will remember it. (I told Joe about this.). It should say Tara Leigh MacKay (Kittle). ‘We can help the people who cross our paths.’ I’ll think about the rest.

**Text Joe immediately. His number is in my phone. He’s been expecting this for a long time.

When the paramedics are getting my body, Noah must NOT be inside the apartment. It isn’t something family should watch. Get Noah to one of those people or to Joe. Ask the paramedic to call you when they’re done.

The day after,

Take Noah to see Joe. Leave Noah *alone* with Joe. Tell Noah to bring a book, just to make him feel normal, though be probably won’t read it. Joe will probably be busy, but Noah can sit there for a few minutes.

When Noah has to leave, ask him what he would like to do to celebrate my life.

Noah needs to go back to school as soon as possible. It will be hard, but he needs school. Let Danny know at Norman Aide what has happened, and his counselor Hanna. They will alert his teachers. As painful as it will be, Noah will need the structure of school, and his friends at school, to help him get through it.

(Contact Mr. Mathias directly about having the Acadeca team have a little memorial for Noah. You can bring them a cake and they can all eat it together. Simple and not too much. There can’t be a normal funeral because I don’t have many friends, I’ve been sick so long. Funerals are to help the living, so a cake to Acadeca class is a nice alternative.)

Joe is very busy a lot of stuff with his life, but maybe Noah can go there for a movie night, ideally something 1960s related. Leave Noah there alone with Joe, or invite Zoe to go along too.

If Noah is at Luke’s when this happens, you need to tell Luke Noah needs to come home immediately, without telling him why. Noah needs to be given the chance to day goodbye before they take my body. There is no need to panic or rush — I’m dead. A few hours isn’t going to hurt anything.

This was some of the best advice I read when I was reading about how to prepare for the death of a loved one, before Bill died. The key thing the article stressed is to not panic and call paramedics right away, but to take your time and say goodbye to your loved one. It helps bring peace before all the formalities is the dying process starts, and gives a chance to say good-bye in the peace and quiet of your home before the chaos sets in. ❤️

About hopeforanswers

Some kind of rare immune deficiency, yet to be determined. A lifetime of infections without an elevated white cell blood or fever. Very grateful to be alive, very thankful for the friends who’ve supported me and for access to literally millions of dollars worth of medical care. I’m not the bubble child, I’m somewhere in between.
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