Whenever you have as much going on with your health that I do, all you can do is take it one moment at time…as brutally painful that it can be. The hardest part is figuring out a plan for when I get out of the hospital. Being ill is enough stress.
Little things that we take for granted when we’re feeling ok–like going to the grocery store or even getting ourselves to doctor’s appointments–are a much bigger deal when we’re sick. Some of them are impossible without help.
This is a big part of recovery, is working out a framework of support…not something that is simple.
I know it’s not going to be easy for me when I get home…I have to figure out an entire schedule of help. I won’t be able to drive for awhile. I have to also figure out an ’emergency plan’, for when I need to go back to the ER. Last ER visit would have been a complete disaster if I hadn’t had a friend by my side. The pressures on doctors in our for-profit system are absolutely disgusting.
I’m very grateful to be alive. As difficult as this moment is, I keep reminding myself how grateful I am to be still in the fight. It is very difficult.
I know there are no guarentees, and that the next few weeks are going to be tough, but there’s a lot I still want to do…especially now. I feel like I’ve ‘seen the light’ as much as anyone can see the light over the last few weeks.
Last time I was this ill was the spring of 2011…it took me a few months to weather that storm. I’m just going to have to do my best to get through this one too.